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WTF, Judy Blume?

I need your guidance.

For anyone who did not grow up with the infamous Judy Blume books, let me fill you in. Judy Blume is a Female American author who wrote BRILLIANT novels for the pre teen girl. The books had relatable characters, plot twists, and, of course, G rated sex scenes. What's a young adult book without some tongue on tongue action?

I remember reading Tiger Eyes when I was moving at the ripe age of 12 years old. I couldn't stop crying in the back seat of the car. My mom kept thinking I was getting my period. No mom, it's Judy Blume, speaking to the depths of my soul. I WAS SAD CAUSE WE WERE MOVING, MOM. A GIRL CAN BE SAD WHEN SHE IS MOVING AWAY FROM HER FRIENDS. She still doesn't understand.

Judy was my savior. For a while, I was convinced I was Margaret in Are you there God, It's me Margaret? In fact, I'M STILL CONVINCED. I better check that shit out.

Those books were everything. Any question that I had about anything and everything... were answered by Judy. She was my fairy godmother, and whenever I was lost, confused, upset, or just out of balance with myself and the world, Blume taught me to bloom (get the word play?). And for every girl, I think it's important to have some sort of literary foundation. It's the closest thing we have to an imaginary friend.

I got older. Harry Potter hit the screens. Stephanie Meyer wrote a couple of books about an anorexic girl with self esteem issues... or is that 50 shades??? Or is it every Hollywood movie. I can't tell the difference anymore. My tastes changed. I began to push the boundaries. I traveled. I fell in love. I fell out of love. I went to school. I dropped out of school. I went back to school. I graduated from school. I think we're getting the picture.

As I enter adulthood.... I STILL HAVE QUESTIONS. I tried watching Girl Meets World, but I'm not 14. Bridget Jones wouldn't respond to my fan mail. And no matter how hard I tried Mulan is not a real person. JUDY WRITE ANOTHER BOOK ABOUT A GIRL WITH OBNOXIOUSLY CURLY HAIR, A LUCIOUS ASS, AND A WIT THAT OUT SMARTS ELIZABETH BENNET.... I have a list of questions that I need answered!

How can I get laid without using Tinder?!

Is it weird that I call my vagina The Duchess?

Am I still a feminist if I like to give blow jobs? But I don't like to give it if he doesn't go down first.

Why do people call me Native American?

Am I the only one who is attracted to Jesus and would sleep with him if he asked?

ANSWER ME JUDY! Game of Thrones season 6 is about to come to a close. The UK left the EU. My cats keep fighting. Talk to me Judy. I need your guidance.

Or if anyone else would like to discuss over some drinks and cake (yes, in that order) let me know. 

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